I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I just want nice things and good sex
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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