I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
