i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
