I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
