So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
