did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
