just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
