its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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