you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Dick very happy bro
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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