she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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