My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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