six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
