There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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