i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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