I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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