If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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