Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
