I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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