youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
