you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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