plz talk dirty to me
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
what day is it and did you see me today?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
