Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
be right there i have to get my cape
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
