I can't watch pbs sober anymore
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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