Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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