My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
