Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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