that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
