Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
it's great music for shaving your balls
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
