this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
