Kiss
Puke
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize