1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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