I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
