so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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