smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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