theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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