I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
