o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
