mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
