We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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