ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
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