This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
