I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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