I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize
