dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
