and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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