I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
