im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
