is your mom at the bar?
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
