Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
