My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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